Necessary Research
by aliwildgoose
Summary: In which Zuko spends shocking ammounts of time in the library, and Mai's hand is forced into action. Set between Imperfect and Lights in the Distance.


oOoOo

He had said very little of substance to her since the decision to leave Ba Sing Se. Azula had made the announcement at dinner, and as soon as he finished eating Zuko had gone back to his room and carefully packed his belongings. It had taken him less than ten minutes. After that, he returned to his room only to bathe and sleep. The rest of his time was spent in the library.

"What're you _doing _in there all day?" Mai had asked him at breakfast one morning.

"Reading," he had said, his eyes on his plate.

"Reading _what?_"

"Nothing important."

Mai had leaned in, her voice low. "Zuko...is this about-?"

"No," he had said, then stood abruptly and stalked out of the dining room. In the direction of the library.

At first, Mai assumed he liked it there because Azula completely ignored it -- she had little interest in books and saw no reason to discourage her brother. Dusty tomes about ancient battles were no threat to her, and Zuko's fascination with them kept him busy and out of her way. Mai was not as pleased with being avoided. She knew that once they arrived at the capital, the demands of courtly life would allow for far less time in each other's company. Now, they had the run of an enormous, empty palace -- why squander such an opportunity?

One week before their departure, Zuko stopped coming to meals entirely. Ty Lee whispered that he'd been stealing food from the kitchens, and Mai found herself annoyed that there were things about Zuko that other people knew and she did not. Wasn't she supposed to be his co-conspirator? His partner in borderline treachery? As she finished her dinner she counted the days it had been since they last spoke in private. By the time the plates were cleared, she knew the answer was "too many."

Her mother had once told her that nice young ladies did not chase after men. Mai agreed with this in principle, as such behaviour was hardly dignified. But she felt that there was a difference between chasing and following. Chasing implied desperation and betrayed the strength of one's desire. There was nothing wrong with merely _arriving_ at the same place as a boy, and allowing him to decide what he wanted to do about it once she was there.

Like everything in the Earth King's palace, the library was cavernous and dimly lit. The books were roughly arranged by subject, and Mai set out directly for the shelves of military history. Zuko had spent many hours there when he first rejoined his sister, fascinated by how differently the old wars were described. But tonight there was no sign of him. Mai held her breath and listened to the darkness. The faint sound of turning pages echoed from another room, and she slipped silently between the shelves.

Mai found him in a tiny alcove, sandwiched between "Botany" and "Geology." He sat cross-legged on the floor surrounded by crumbling leather volumes, a roll of parchment in his lap. He was copying maps from the atlas propped open in front of him, laboriously sketching out mountain ranges and the twisting paths of rivers. Mai knelt beside him and squinted at his untidy handwriting. "These are the hills near the capital," she said. She glanced at the spines of the books around them. "'Edible Plants and Fungi of the Fire Nation...'Wilderness Survival in Sub-Tropical Climates'...'A Practical Guide to Tent Repair?'" Mai laughed. "What, are we going camping?"

"I just want to make sure I'm...prepared," he said quietly.

"I think you've been in exile for too long," said Mai. "We're not going to have to worry about any of this, you know. We'll have servants to take care of it."

Zuko set down his brush and rubbed his eyes with the heel of his hand. "I'd rather not talk about this right now, Mai."

"Rather not talk about what?" Mai flipped one of the books open and leafed through its pages. "I just don't see why you need to know how to make acorn flour, that's all."

Zuko slammed the book shut, nearly catching her fingers. "Bread doesn't fall from the sky," he snapped. "And I'd rather not have to resort to common thievery this time around."

Mai frowned. "What are you even talking about? Why would you have to..."

"It's nothing you need to worry about," said Zuko.

"Don't be stupid," said Mai. "Just tell me."

Zuko picked up his brush again and hunched over the parchment. "I have to finish this."

"You can finish it later," said Mai. She plucked the brush out of his hand and balanced it on the inkwell. "Tell me."

Zuko carefully set the half-finished map aside, then folded his hands in his lap. He didn't look at her when he spoke.

"When Azula came for Uncle and me," he said, "she told me that father had changed his mind. She told me that I would be welcomed back, that my insult had been forgiven...and within a day, even my pitiful exile's life had been taken away from me. If I'd bothered to learn how to survive on my own, things would have been much easier for us...as it was, we couldn't even tell the difference between tea and poison."

Mai covered her mouth, stifling a laugh. "You...you drank _poisonous tea_? That would've been a fitting end for Iroh, but-"

Zuko hunched his shoulders. "If you're going to make jokes..."

"I'm sorry," said Mai quickly. She sighed. "Look, Zuko...I don't think she's lying to you this time. You just helped overthrow Ba Sing Se, of course the Fire Lord's going to forgive you."

"Maybe he will, at first," said Zuko. "But it's not going to last."

"You're about to see your father for the first time in three years, and you're worrying about what will happen when he _rejects_ you? Who says that's even going to happen? Azula's right, he has no reason to turn you away."

"You don't understand," said Zuko. "This is how my life works. This is all I've ever known. I've been a disappointment to my father since before I could walk, and now I'm going to stand before him and tell him to end the war the leave the Avatar in peace. You think he'll still welcome me with open arms after that? He challenged me to an Agni Kai when I questioned the plan of a single general. This time, I'll be lucky to survive."

"This is ridiculous," said Mai. "Either things will work out, or they won't. If reading about how to skin a squirrel monkey makes you feel better, great, but sitting here wallowing in hopelessness isn't going to help anything."

"I can't let myself be hopeful anymore," said Zuko. "I just...I can't go through that again."

Mai leaned against him, her arm around his shoulders. "Then we'll burn that bridge when we come to it," she said softly. "Until then, just...try not to make yourself completely miserable, all right?"

"I won't have to," Zuko muttered. "The universe will take care of it for me."

Mai slid into his lap, her legs crossed at the small of his back. "It's not like _nothing_ ever works out for you," she said.

Zuko snorted. "Name _one_ thing that has."

"You're such an idiot," said Mai, and pulled him into a kiss.

She savored the taste of him, half-forgotten in its weeks of absence. His upper lip was itchy with stubble so she abandoned it for its counterpart, sucking it gently as she reached for the fastenings of his tunic. She flicked her tongue along the roof of his mouth, and he shivered against her as his ink-stained hands slid down her sides and curled around her waist.

"I have to finish this," he murmured vaguely.

"You can finish it later," Mai whispered against his neck. She nuzzled the soft skin behind his ears.

Zuko moaned low in his throat, his breath shallow. "Maybe...maybe we should go somewhere else..."

Mai nipped at his jaw, her hands in the folds of his half-open tunic. "I don't know," she said as her fingertips reached his skin. "I'm starting to like the library." 

oOoOo


End file.
